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Guide to Fulfillment

Lessons

Introduction

Congratulations!

I want to commend you for taking the steps to improve the quality of your life through Mindset Practice. The journey of Self-Empowerment asks that you step outside of your comfort zone and seek the answers from within. In this program you will learn that you have access to a higher version of yourself.  Through mindset practice you will find the best way to tap into that resource to create the life you want.

Overview

Lessons 1-4: You will learn the basics around creating a goal, achieving that goal, and what gets in the way of progress.

Lessons 5-8:  You will go through a journey of self-awareness and how to create a life of fulfillment from within.

Lesson 9: You will learn how to be proactive when creating a life of fulfillment and how to troubleshoot when your life seems to be out of alignment. 

Lastly: At the end of the program please take a look at all of the resources that made this program possible. Each resource has its part in creating this program. If you want to take a deeper dive into this journey, please refer to my recommendations at the end of the program.

How to use this program

  1. Get a journal. I recommend dedicating a notebook to this program. Do some research to find the best one and make it fun. You’re more likely to commit if you invest in a really good notebook. I use a lenome dotted journal. I really like the feel of the leather and durability. It has a pen holder and a pocket inside. It comes in a few colors and I use brown. I’ve used a lot of notebooks and tested them out. I have a lot that are only written on the first few pages. This is the only notebook I’ve consistently journaled from cover to cover. Here is a link on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Dotted-Bullet-Notebook-Journal-Hardcover/dp/B07168XGHT
  2. I recommend that you bookmark this page or add it to the home screen on your phone.
  3. Set aside focused time to work on each section daily. Try not to complete all of it in one day. Space it out and take the time to complete the homework in your notebook. The homework is designed for you to reflect from within. 
  4. Read each section, watch the video, and take notes in your notebook before completing the homework. We learn best through using our senses. You’ll absorb more information through listening, reading, and writing. 
  5. You have access to the program with no expiration. You might find a year from now that completing the program is needed. This program will serve you in different stages of life. Feel free to come back to it whenever you need guidance. 

I’m certain that this program will support you towards creating the life you want. If additional guidance is needed I am here to support you. Feel free to reach out to me to determine how we can work together to achieve your goals. 

Lesson 1: Goals

Goals

We are guided by the questions we ask ourselves. Ask a $hitty question and you will receive a $hitty response. Throughout this program you’ll be asked questions. YOU HAVE THE ANSWERS. You will learn to learn to tap into your higher power to find the answers that will serve you best. 

The first question you need to ask is WHAT. 

What do you want to change in your life? What is the outcome you are seeking by completing this program? What is your goal? What do you want?

You enrolled in this program for a reason. You might be completing it for the second or third time. Why are you doing it again? 

Once you have determined the answer to this question you have identified your goal in your Journey of Self-Empowerment.

The next step is to ask yourself 

WHY?
Why do you want this?
Why do you want to change?
Why is it important to you?
Why? Why? Why? 

WHAT you want is your GOAL and it acts as your MOTIVATION. We all know motivation  will only get you so far. Motivation is a great way to get started, but to make the commitment long term you must define your purpose. 

WHY you want what you want is your PURPOSE. These will be the reasons you get out of bed without an alarm, do the things you don’t want to do, ignore the “nay-sayers,” and work harder than you’ve ever worked before to accomplish your goal.

YOU WILL BE DRIVEN BY YOUR PURPOSE

Homework:

For homework determine WHAT you want and WHY. Your reason why will begin to reveal your purpose. The habits you create will be purpose driven and will help you commit to the process when motivation runs out. 

Use your notebook to write and reflect on WHAT you want and WHY it is important to you. This way you can keep a record throughout your journey. As you look back and reflect one year, two years, or five years from now you will be surprised by how much you have grown as a human.

My mission is to do the same for myself. This way I can offer it to you and we can use these gifts to empower and shine light on the world around us. 

Make sure you are in a positive state emotionally for this exercise. 

Think, write, and read your answers aloud because combining these three elements will help make it more real in your mind. Thinking is mental, writing and speaking accesses two physical senses of touch and hearing. 

In order to create the life you want, you must create it in your mind first. 

Instructions:

  1. Goal: What do you want out of this program? What is your goal? What is the outcome you are seeking? If you’re having trouble determining your goal, make a list of the specific areas of your life that are not what you want them to be. What would you have to believe to consistently follow through on the transformation in your life? What would you have to believe to not only set goals, but really achieve them? What would you have to believe to make your life the masterpiece it deserves to be?
  2. Purpose: Why is your goal important? What will having that do for you? Why must you change these situations now and why do you know you can? 

Remember, what you want is your goal, why you want it is your purpose. 

When you lack motivation, reflect on your goal and purpose. I encourage you to write down your goal and purpose everyday so you know what your target is. This will help you set the intention for each day. Your actions throughout the day will bring you closer to achieving your goals. Once you have completed the assignment, move on to the next lesson. In the next few lessons we will dive deeper into your purpose and begin to put this into action.

Lesson 2: Success Formula

This program is designed for you to take action and move closer to achieving your goals. If you did not complete the assignment from the previous lesson, go back and complete it. If you have, you can move on to the next step. 

Today you will learn the “Success Formula.” The process for achieving any goal utilizes the following four steps:

  1. Decide: Determine your goal (What do you want & why do you want it?) 
  2. Take Action: Do anything that will move you closer to your goal.
  3. Evaluate: Are your actions helping you move closer to your goal? 
  4. Continue/Change: Stay committed to the process or revise/edit the plan until you achieve your goal. 

The only FAILURE we have in life is never starting or quitting before we achieve our goal. 

More Details:

  1. Decide: Determine your goal (What do you want & why do you want it?). Belief – Growth vs Fixed Mindset – (realization that why we are stuck is actually our fault, but do not blame, take responsibility for where you are and realize you have a choice to act now.
  2. Take Action:
    1. Create a plan with measurable habits that move you closer to achieving your goal.
    2. Execution of the plan is your responsibility
    3. Consistency is very important. Fall in love with the process.
  3. Evaluate: Are you closer to achieving your goal, or have you achieved it? 
    1. Yes: Celebrate your WIN! What contributed the most to helping you achieve your goal? How have you made it possible? Double down on this action.
    2. No: Where is there resistance? What is your biggest challenge/what is preventing you from moving closer to your goal? How can you take responsibility?
  4. Continue/Change: 
    1. If you are closer to achieving your goal stay committed to the process. Fall in love with the consistency and your commitment to the process. This is the part that shapes who you are becoming. 
    2. If you must change the plan, decide what you will do or invest in help. Find an expert or coach on the subject of your goal. Ask for help. 

Homework: Write and reflect on the question below. The second part requires you to take action.

  1. What is one thing you can do today that will move you closer to your goal? 

Thinking is good, but putting pen to paper will help you express yourself physically through writing. Speaking it out loud will also help. When you complete your assignment read it aloud. If you don’t want anyone to know just make sure you’re alone when you read it out loud. Think it, write it, & speak it. 

The next step is to Take Action. Whatever you wrote down, GO DO IT.

Lesson 3: Instant Gratification vs. Long Term Success

Ultimately, everything we do in our life is driven by our need to gain pleasure and avoid pain. It is interesting to note that we will do more to AVOID PAIN than GAIN PLEASURE. Pain is a great motivator in the short term. We all have neuro-associations linked to situations in our nervous system.

Example: Exercise = Pain (behavior = avoid exercise). This works for us in the short term because we avoid the pain of working out, but there can be long term pain of weight gain, chronic disease, and unhappiness with yourself, body composition and quality of life. 

Why does this happen?

Your nervous system wants to keep you safe. What you’ve done up until now has kept you safe and alive. Making changes in your life is a threat to your nervous system because it is unknown. Uncertainty is the biggest threat to your nervous system and your nervous system’s job is to help you survive. 

Example: Your nervous system will see working out as a threat if it is something you have been avoiding for a long time. 

What we need to do is teach the nervous system that working out is actually good for us and not only will you survive, you will thrive. Through conditioning and repetition you can train your nervous system and change your neuro-associations. 

The challenge is going to come up when your nervous system sends signals to avoid pain. It does not know that the pain will be short term compared to the long term pleasure. You might understand it consciously, but the subconscious is still very skeptical. It needs your conscious self to prove that it is safe.

The voice inside of your head, your brain (nervous system/subconscious) will give you every reason to avoid the short term pain. It will persuade you to hit snooze, skip a workout, relax on the couch, tell you that you don’t have time, etc. All of the excuses are just your brain (nervous system/subconscious) trying to avoid the short term pain. 

YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR NEURO-ASSOCIATIONS 

Your job is to prove to your brain (nervous system/subconscious) that it is safe through practice, repetition, consistency, and commitment to the process. The conditioning & consistency to your plan will eventually help you change your neuro-associations.

I used to love beer. I was a happy drinker and I loved it. It gave me so much pleasure to have a cold beer at the end of a long day. The weekend was spent sharing drinks with friends and family. My brain was happy. Making the decision to quit drinking was a thought in my mind for a long time. The journey to quit started in 2016 when I first wrote it down as something I wanted to do.

I made a list. 

List # 1: Benefits of not drinking alcohol
List # 2: Cons of not drinking alcohol
List # 3: Benefits of drinking alcohol
List # 4: Cons of drinking alcohol 

It will not be easy. You will give in to the excuses, but when that happens it is up to you to reflect on your PURPOSE from the first assignment and know that all of the sacrifice you are making now is intended to gain long term pleasure. 

Growth vs. Fixed Mindset: Mastering the voice inside of your head means adopting a Growth Mindset. Having a Growth Mindset takes practice. Your nervous system wants you to be comfortable so the voice inside of your head can be very convincing. 

“I’m big boned.”

“It runs in my family.”

“I’m not meant to have abs.” 

“I have bad knees.” 

“I have an addictive personality.”

“I have a (fill in the blank) disorder.” 

If you admit any of the above you are surrendering to your inability to change. This surrender is the definition of having a “Fixed Mindset.” Yes, you might be more likely to have these issues, but that’s how the world is. Some people are brought into this world with more resources, more opportunity, and better genetics. That does not mean it is impossible for you to achieve what you want.

IF YOU FEEL YOU HAVE A FIXED MINDSET IN SOME AREAS OF YOUR LIFE WE CAN BEGIN TO REFRAME YOUR MINDSET. 

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BELIEVE YOU CAN CHANGE. 

Belief and curiosity is where the Growth Mindset can begin to set you free. Believe you can change and question yourself when you are suffering from an inability to change. 

Homework: 

  1. Make a list of excuses you’ve made in the past when it comes to avoiding what you want. You can also make a list of what challenges get in the way of you achieving your goal. After you make your list rate how challenging each excuse will be on a scale of 1-10 (10 being most challenging). 
  2. For each item on your lift ask yourself if the excuse is really true or is it something your mind created to keep me safe. 

**You might begin to notice that this is very challenging. You may have to take a lot of responsibility. AVOID BLAME. BLAME WILL LEAVE YOU POWERLESS AND UNABLE TO CHANGE. This is not the time to blame yourself, or get angry about your actions in the past. 

It’s a time to be grateful for your experience, and understand that you are growing as a human. This is about taking RESPONSIBILITY. What you’ve done is not who you are now because now you have the ABILITY to RESPOND.**

Lesson 4: The Path of Meaning

In this world there are FACTS and WHAT WE MAKE OF THOSE FACTS. Understanding that we have control over what we make of these facts is the key to mastering the world around you.

Information gets filtered to us through the body, the mind, and the spirit. The first step is to control the physical body. How you use your body is the first step to mastering your response to the events of the world. Control how your body receives information and you control your model of the world.

The key is to learn how to put your body into a peak physical state. If you’re slumped, have shallow breathing, and are inactive your body will not release the chemicals in your body needed to feel good and relieve stress. 

Using your body will help you naturally release these chemicals and can lead to happiness and having more energy. 

Movement and Breathing

You can begin to control your response to the world around you by controlling how you use your body and breathe. When you control how you use your body and breathing you can begin to control how you communicate with yourself in your mind. 

For each activity moving forward make sure you’re in a peak physical state. Use the below exercise to help you get there:

Homework:

Practice: The following steps are best practiced in front of a mirror. This enhances the experience and results. This might be awkward at first. Just commit and be confident. You’ll get used to being nice to yourself.

 

  1. Body 20-30 Jumping Jacks – 30 seconds – 5 minutes of physical activity, try push ups or squats, or dancing. Dancing is a great way to get happy. This is because it causes the release of the very chemicals that are good for your brain: dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins.
  2. Body: Stand tall, chest up, take up as much space as possible
  3. Body: 3 deep breaths – 4 seconds in, 8 seconds out (activates vagus nerve & calms nervous system)
  4. Mind: Ask yourself – What would success look like in this moment? What am I committed to? What would confidence do in this moment?
  5. Mind: Visualize the answer
  6. Mind: Say out loud – Empowering mantra examples: 
    1. “All I need is within me now” 
    2. “I am confident” 
    3. “I am powerful” 
    4. “I am strong” 
    5. “I am statements are the most powerful affirmations you can use. You’re automating this statement in your subconscious when you state it in a peak physical state.

 

Always approach your day in this state.

Homework: Practice your state change every morning. Use this exercise before completing assignments from now on. It is important for you to be in a peak physical state before the future homework assignments. The assignments are going to require you to reflect deep from within. 

Lesson 5: Values (The Directions)

This program is designed for you to take action and move closer to achieving your goals. If you have not completed the assignments from the previous lessons, go back and complete them. If you have, you can move on to the next step.  

The next four lessons are the most important part of the program. It is important that you show up to these lessons in a peak physical state. You want to be completely grounded for the work you are about to do. Do not move on to the next lesson until you have completed the assignment below. 

Today, you will learn to determine your values. Your values are related to your purpose. 

Remember the second question to your assignment on Day 1? Why do you want it? During today’s lesson we will use that answer to help you determine your values. 

Thinking is good, but putting pen to paper will help you express yourself physically through writing. Speaking it out loud will also help. When you complete your assignment read it aloud. If you don’t want anyone to know just make sure you’re alone when you read it out loud. Think it, write it, & speak it. 

Make sure you are in a positive and focused state of mind. There is no right or wrong. Your mind knows the answer. Honor the answers that come up for you. 

Homework:This assignment can get very deep. It might open some challenging feelings. Honor these feelings. Facing these challenging feelings will open the window. The pain of experiencing these feelings creates safety around being able to create the change you want in your life. Remember, on the other side of vulnerability is bravery. You cannot be brave without being vulnerable. The two attributes work harmoniously together. 

  1. Purpose: Insert your answer from each question into the next question. 
  1. Why is your goal (from day 1) important? 
  2. What will having that (answer to question a) do for you? 
  3. Why is that (answer to question b) important?
  4. Why is that (answer to question c) important? 
  5. Why is that (answer to question d) important? 
  6. Why is that (answer to question e) important? 
  7. Why is that (answer to question f) important? 
  8. Why is that (answer to question g) important? 
  9. What else do you want to feel as a result of accomplishing your goal? 
  10. Make a list. This list is your values.

Repeat the questions: “What will having that do for you?” or Why is it important for you to have? Generate a list of values until you find yourself cycling back to previous values. The list will vary, but usually you can come up with about 7-10 strong values you’re targeting. 

“Means” values – A car, money, house, mate, etc are examples of “means” values. They are a means to an end. 

Example: a car is a means to an end. We can place value in a car, but if you break beneath the surface of an external desire you can find the internal value. You have to ask yourself what will having the car give me? Why is it important? 

Full Exercise Example: 

What do you want? I want to lose weight.
Why? I want to lose weight because I want to fit into my old jeans.
Why? I want to fit into my old jeans because I want to look good in them again.
Why? I want to look good in them because I want to feel more confident.
Why? I want to feel more confident so I can attract a mate.
Why? I want to attract a mate because I don’t want to be alone.
Why? I don’t want to be alone because I want to experience love.
Why? I want to experience love because I want to be happy.
What else do you want to feel as a result of accomplishing your goal? Make a list. Your values will consist of emotional states you want to feel more of. 

balance, joy, getting better/growth, well-being, etc.

Goal: Lose weight 

List of values:

Confidence
Love
Happiness
Joy
Growth/Excellence
Well Being

Your list will guide you. Instead of attacking your weight loss head on (if that’s your goal) you can go right to the source. The source is your list of values. When you feel stuck, reflect on your goal and this list of values. I encourage you to write down your values every day so you know to target these feelings. This will help you set the intention for the day and embrace your progress more often. 

Lesson 6: Human Needs (The Destination)

This program is designed for you to take action and move closer to achieving your goals. If you have not completed the assignments from the previous lessons, go back and complete them. If you have, you can move on to the next step.  

It is important that you show up to these lessons in a peak physical state. Refer to Lesson 4 to help you manage your state for today’s lesson. You want to be completely grounded for the work you are about to do. Do not move on to the next lesson until you have completed the assignment below. 

There are Six Human Needs. All behavior in life is a direct attempt to meet one or more of these needs. All roads lead to one or more of your needs. 

Understanding this will help you learn about your own behavior and why you do what you do. You will also learn a lot about other people’s behavior. Although we have the same Human Needs, we each value them differently and have different ways of meeting our needs. 

What and why you do things will be different based on which needs you value most. You can also train yourself to value them differently to serve you better in life. 

6 Human Needs: The 6 Human Needs drive all of your behavior. We develop “vehicles” that drive us to meet our needs. Some “vehicles” lead to fulfillment in the moment, but not in the long term. It is the same reason someone will work hard toward their goals and achieve them without feeling fulfilled. It is important to understand if our vehicles are not only supporting us to meet our needs, but also serve us and the people we love positively.

The 6 Human Needs: 

4 Basic Needs: Certainty/Security, Uncertainty/Variety, Significance/Importance, Love/Connection

2 Fulfillment Needs: Growth, Contribution  

  1. Certainty: The need to feel certain that we can be comfortable, avoid pain & gain pleasure, security, survival need.
  2. Uncertainty: The need for variety, the spice of life. Surprise, diversity, challenge, difference.  
  3. Significance: The need to be needed, feel important, the need to have a sense of purpose in life, the need to feel unique in some way, to have a unique sense of meaning in our lives. The need to feel different. 
  4. Connection/Love: feeling like we belong, connection with people, self, nature
  5. Growth: We all have the need to grow, everything must serve a purpose, we need to grow as people.
  6. Contribution: The need to go beyond yourself, serve the greater good.  

**The 4 basic needs (Certainty, Variety, Love, and Significance) are in conflict with each other. Here are some examples:

Certainty vs. Variety 

Someone who seems to always need to have a plan might value certainty the most vs. someone who likes to go with the flow. 

When there is too much certainty a person may feel bored and look for adventure. Imagine someone who has a job, retirement plan, house, wife and kids. All is well. All is certain. The father might feel happy most of the time, but not fully fulfilled. What’s missing? Variety might be missing so the father may look for ways to meet this need such as joining a basketball league or watching sports. Sometimes it’s not enough and they look for disempowering ways to meet this need. Some examples may include alcohol, gambling, spending money, or worse seeking out other women or partners. 

When there is too much variety a person may feel like they have no control. Their care-free life may feel good for a while, but they might eventually get to the point where they try to find certainty somewhere in life. 

Love vs. Significance

Can there be too much love? It is possible. Imagine someone who values connection so much that they put themselves last all the time. This happens a lot with our mommas. Most are willing to sacrifice their own joy, happiness, and life to share their love and connection with others. When they put themselves last all the time they might end up feeling like they are being taken advantage of all of the time and never appreciated.  

Too much significance and a person may isolate themselves so much that they push all of their connections away. This need is a tough one for people who value it the most because they sometimes don’t see how their significance can get in their way. They don’t think they would have any problems. I know this first-hand because I struggled to see how my need for significance would get in the way of my fulfillment and connections. 

Fulfilling these needs requires balance. I recommend evaluating all of the things that make you happy and determine how they meet one or more of these needs. Typically something that you love to do (good or bad) meets two or more of these needs at the same time. 

When an action you do meets two or more needs at the same time you are drawn to it like a drug. This can be good if what you like to do is empowering. For me, alcohol met all four of these needs at once. This made it very hard to give up drinking for good. In 2016 I wrote about it. 

I wrote about how drinking alcohol met my need for Certainty.
I wrote about how drinking alcohol met my need for Variety.
I wrote about how drinking alcohol met my need for Love.
I wrote about how drinking alcohol met my need for Significance. 

None of my answers were empowering. 

I wrote about how not drinking would meet my needs…

I wrote about how not drinking alcohol would meet my need for Certainty.
I wrote about how not drinking alcohol would meet my need for Variety.
I wrote about how not drinking alcohol would meet my need for Love.
I wrote about how not drinking alcohol would meet my need for Significance. 

This list felt empowering, but I didn’t take action until the fall of 2019. Three years later. I’m mentioning this because I want you to understand that your journey will shape who you become and there is no timestamp for it. The work you are doing now will impact you years down the road. Be patient and give yourself grace when things feel challenging.

Developing this list helped me realize how other things in my life met these needs as well. Lifeguarding is something I’ve done for 20+ years. It fulfills my basic needs for Certainty, Variety, Love, and Significance. What I also found is that it fulfilled my needs for Growth and Contribution. This is the golden ticket – Find something that fulfills all of your needs at once. 

FULFILLMENT 

Ultimately we are all driven to be fulfilled. It’s what we want the most. When we find things in our life that fulfill all of our needs we can be truly happy. The key is awareness. Some people walk this earth not knowing about the 6 Human Needs. Some people don’t stop to see the blessings they already have and how they fulfill their needs. 

I encourage you to find the things you already have in life that fulfill as many of these needs as possible. Journal about how grateful you are to have experienced them. It will leave you feeling empowered and truly fulfilled. 

Also give thought to the things you want the most. Your goals. What needs would they fulfill? The needs are the target. How many of them are you after? 

Homework: 

  1. Think of 1-3 things you love to do. Write down how it meets one or more of the Human Needs. 
  2. Think of 1-3 things that get in the way of you achieving your goals. Write down how they meet your needs. Write down how not doing this habit would meet your needs. 
  3. Think of your goal. Write down how it will meet each of your needs when you accomplish your goal. Then, write down how NOT accomplishing your goal will help you meet each of your needs.

Accomplishing my goal will help meet my need for certainty/security because _____________.

Accomplishing my goal will help meet my need for uncertainty/variety because _____________.

Accomplishing my goal will help meet my need for significance/importance because _____________.

Accomplishing my goal will help meet my need for love/connection because _____________.

Accomplishing my goal will help meet my need for growth because _____________.

Accomplishing my goal will help meet my need for contribution because _____________.

NOT Accomplishing my goal will help meet my need for certainty/security because _____________.

NOT Accomplishing my goal will help meet my need for uncertainty/variety because _____________.

NOT Accomplishing my goal will help meet my need for significance/importance because _____________.

NOT Accomplishing my goal will help meet my need for love/connection because _____________.

NOT Accomplishing my goal will help meet my need for growth because _____________.

NOT Accomplishing my goal will help meet my need for contribution because _____________.

Lesson 7: Emotions (The GPS)

How do you know it’s working? 

EMOTIONS: Your emotions are feedback. If you follow the directions of your Roadmap you will have positive emotions. If you do not follow the directions you will have negative emotions. We often think of emotions as good or bad, but I encourage you to consider them as feedback. 

Thinking this way will create opportunities for you when you experience “negative” emotions. A “negative” emotion is an opportunity to troubleshoot and determine how your actions do not align with your values or an opportunity for you to discover a new value you didn’t know you had. 

Emotions / Feedback – Identifying which values are missing 

Becoming a master of your emotions requires you to practice and master the steps in Lesson 4. 

“Between stimulus and response is the freedom to choose.” Stephen R. Covey

Homework: This homework assignment will help you become a master of your emotions. I encourage you to complete the exercise below anytime you feel a negative emotion. However, It’s important to understand that you need time to “feel the feelings.” The steps below will only serve you once you’ve reached a point where you’re calm and are ready to learn from the negative emotions. The more you practice this, the shorter the time spent “feeling the feelings.”

  1. Start in a peak physical state. Complete the homework from Lesson 4 to ensure that you feel fully grounded. At the very least take 3-6 deep breaths before beginning.
  2. Think of a time recently where you felt a negative emotion.
  3. Write – Describe the negative experience.
  4. Write – Describe what you wanted to happen instead. (Try to avoid statements that are outside of your control. Example I wanted that person not to be such a jerk, etc.)
  5. Write – Ask yourself what was the negative emotion I was feeling?
  6. Write – Ask yourself what you wanted to feel instead? 
  7. Write – Ask yourself what would feeling this emotion and having this experience (answer to #4) do for me?
  8. Write – Why is this (answer to #7) important? What will having this give me?
  9. Ask the above questions over and over again until you identify the value/s, or need/s that are missing.  
  10.  Write: How can I fulfill this value/s or need/s in an empowering way?

Sometimes creating an awareness of which values were missing in the moment will lead to you resolving this inner conflict instantly. Sometimes you may need to practice finding ways to empower yourself to experience these values. We will talk about staying on course in the next lesson. The key will be to stay proactive about how you use your values in life. 

Lesson 8: Fulfillment (The Roadmap)

Roadmap to Fulfillment

This is the most important part of our journey together. It is built upon the previous lessons. Make sure you’ve completed all of the assignments and have a solid grasp on your Goals, Purpose, Values, and Human Needs at this point.

This lesson will guide you to see if your Goals and major life actions are in alignment with your Human Needs and Values. I encourage you to take your time and reflect deeply on the homework assignment.

Imagine a roadmap to achieving your goals. If you follow the directions you will end up at your destination. We’re going to work together to create a roadmap for your life. 

Here is how your roadmap is supposed to work:

  1. Driver – You know where you’re going – Daily actions and habits that lead to achieving your goals
  2. Directions – Your Values / Purpose  – You Align your actions to your values 
  3. Arrive at Destination – Your Goals / Human Needs – You align your goals and actions to a combination of needs and this leads to FULFILLMENT

Most people drive and don’t give any thought to where they are going. 

Here is an example: 

Imagine a person who is “successful,” but is severely depressed. We’ve seen actors and famous people who are in this position. Some to the point where they take their own lives.

If they have everything, why are they depressed? The truth is that their actions may have fulfilled the wrong values and it ultimately ended up fulfilling the wrong needs. 

It’s possible that they haven’t done the work to find out what their values and needs are. Let’s say they value love and connection the most. Becoming famous creates connection right? 

Maybe, but consider this: when you are famous on the highest stage it is possible to become unreal to people. You may become so significant that you isolate yourself from everyone. You may isolate yourself so much that it is extremely challenging to develop deep relationships and connections with people. 

Feeling this isolated can feel lonely. You may begin to feel that no one truly understands who you really are. A big fear for most people is being alone. It can get so scary that you consider maybe not being around. 

The story may be different if they do the work and find out what needs they value most and what their values are. Using this information it can help them to make empowering decisions that align with their values and needs. 

There are many different examples of this. Here are a few to consider:

Think of the person whose goal is weight loss. “I want abs.” Have you ever met someone who had an amazing body, but can’t take a compliment, or doesn’t believe they are in good shape. No matter how many times you tell them they look great or that they are crazy they won’t see it until they understand their values and needs. Why is it important for them? What needs are they trying to meet by working so hard toward a fit body? 

The truth is they want what the abs will give them. It could be that abs will make them more attractive so they can attract a mate. Maybe the abs will give them certainty that they will feel good about themselves. And what they really  want deep down is a deep connection and confidence that will help them feel more worthy.

One last example to think about:

Think of the person who is “addicted” to their problems. You’ve met this person. The person who always has to one-up you when they’re having a bad day. They spend a lot of time explaining how their life is the worst. They post their drama on social media. Why does it always seem like they are looking for attention? Which of the 6 Human Needs do you think this person values most? 

If you guessed significance, you’re right. If this person did the work on themselves could they realize there might be a more empowering way to meet this need?

What are better ways to achieve significance? How can this person begin to find empowering ways to feel important or significant? 

A good example would be to combine their need for significance with contribution. Lead a fundraiser, or toy drive. Donate money to a charity. Or, they can combine the need for significance with growth and go to school, get a degree, become a doctor. Ultimately fulfilling more needs than just significance. 

Becoming a doctor can fulfill all needs if you really think about it. You’ll have certainty, variety, significance, connection and love, growth, and contribution.

That’s the ultimate goal. When you align your actions and values to ALL of your needs you will achieve FULFILLMENT at the highest level. When you become aware of how your actions meet your needs you’ll begin to appreciate the things you do more. You will also begin to evaluate if what you’re doing right now is even worth doing anymore. 

This is how I gave up drinking in 2018. 

Drinking used to fulfill my basic needs for certainty, variety, significance, and connection. Drinking made me certain I would feel good. It would give me variety and different experiences when I went out for a drink. It made me feel connected because I would socialize with friends and family centered around drinking.

Homework: Create your Roadmap

In your notebook write the following:

  1. Goal/Goals: (WRITE YOUR GOAL/S HERE)
  2. Answer the following: Will accomplishing your goal/s meet one or more of your Human Needs? List the 6 Human Needs and write about how accomplishing each goal will or will not meet your Human Needs.
    1. Certainty – 
    2. Variety – 
    3. Significance – 
    4. Love/Connection –  
    5. Growth – 
    6. Contribution – 
  3. For each goal make a list of the methods used for achieving your goal – your major life actions. 
    1.  
    2.  
    3.  
    4.  
    5.  
  4. Answer the following: Do your methods used for achieving your goals align with your Values and Human Needs? List your values and write about how your methods used (actions) meet or do not meet your Values and/or your Human Needs.
  5. Do your major life actions align with your values and needs? 
  6. How do you know they are/are not in alignment? 
  7. How can you ensure that your major life actions align with your values and needs? 

How do you know it’s working? 

EMOTIONS: Your emotions are feedback. If you follow the directions of your Roadmap you will have positive emotions. If you do not follow the directions you will have negative emotions. We often think of emotions as good or bad, but I encourage you to consider them as feedback. 

Thinking this way will create opportunities for you when you experience “negative” emotions. A “negative” emotion is an opportunity to troubleshoot and determine how your actions do not align with your values or an opportunity for you to discover a new value you didn’t know you had. 

Emotions / Feedback – Identifying which values are missing. Always use the homework from Lesson 7 to guide you when you feel off-balance.  

Lesson 9: Proactivity & Troubleshooting

Being Proactive

Each morning you have an opportunity to take control of your day. If you wake up and look at your phone, watch the news, answer emails you are reacting to your day. 

To start your day with intention it takes practice. 

Homework/Daily Practice: Wake up 10-20 minutes early and Journal about the following.

  1. Manage Your State – Look back at lesson 4 and use the homework as a morning habit
  2. Gratitude – write 1-3 things you are grateful for
  3. Values – write your list of values
  4. Human Needs – write your list of needs in order
  5. Reflection – reflect on your previous day. How did you meet your values and needs during the previous day? Were there moments where your values and needs were not met? What values were missing?

Troubleshooting

EMOTIONS: Your emotions are feedback. If you follow the directions of your Roadmap you will have positive emotions. If you do not follow the directions you will have negative emotions. We often think of emotions as good or bad, but I encourage you to consider them as feedback. 

Thinking this way will create opportunities for you when you experience “negative” emotions. A “negative” emotion is an opportunity to troubleshoot and determine how your actions do not align with your values or an opportunity for you to discover a new value you didn’t know you had. 

Emotions / Feedback – Identifying which values are missing 

Homework: When you have a negative emotion complete the following

  1. Feel the feelings. You’re allowed to feel. Being aware of your emotions helps you to be more intuitive. Give yourself some time to feel, but do not wallow for too long. 
  2. Manage your state: Go back to Lesson 4 use the homework to ground yourself
  3. Ask: What is the resistance I am feeling?
  4. Ask: What do I want to feel instead?
  5. Ask: Why is this important?
  6. Ask: What will having this give me? 
  7. Ask the above questions over and over again until you identify the value/s, or need/s that are missing. You might reveal current values or new values you didn’t know you had. 
  8. Ask: How can I fulfill this value/s or need/s in an empowering way?

Thank You & More Resources

From the bottom of my heart, thank you for completing the program! It means the world to me that I have been able to guide you through this part of your life’s journey. 

Now that the program is over it is important to understand that your journey will continue. I highly recommend using the morning routine to help you stay on course. When you’re feeling “off-balance” use the troubleshooting method. You can find both activities in lesson 9. Remember, you have unlimited access to the program. As you progress, come back to it. You will find that it can support all of your goals. 

To show my gratitude please book a complimentary Goals Discussion with me. During our discussion I’ll help you gain clarity on what your goals are and why it’s important for you. Together, we will identify your purpose and determine if working together will support you towards your goals. 

Lastly, my goal is to make sure this program supports anyone who signs up for it. Please take the time to complete our feedback form.

Goals Discussion

https://calendly.com/dagut5/goalsdiscussion

Feedback 

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/MCB5C8N

Resources 

I’ve added a list of additional resources below. This program was driven by my experience. Each resource below has a part in helping create this program. I want to use this as an opportunity to give them credit and give you an opportunity to dive deeper into the journey of personal development.  

Books 

  1. (The first book I read) The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene
  2. The Miracle Morning – https://miraclemorning.com/start-here/

How you wake up in the morning has an impact on your day. It’s best to begin your day with momentum. You must wake up 10 – 20 minutes earlier than normal. It will take longer in the beginning, but once you are in the routine you will crave it when you wake up. 

S – Silence/Meditate – The rules are simple. Spend 1-10 minutes creating headspace. Use a guided meditation or focus on your breath to quiet your mind.
A – Affirmations – Mirror Talk – It’s best to complete your affirmations while looking into the mirror.
V – Visualization
E – Exercise
R – Read – Personal Development
S – Scribe/Journal

  1. 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey
  2. Playing the Matrix by Mike Dooley
  3. Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill
  4. Start With Why by Simon Sinek
  5. Growth Mindset by Carol Dweck 
  6. Relentless by Tim Grover
  7. Conscious Coaching by Brett Bartholemew

People, Programs, & Events

  1. Tony Robbins – Personal Power, Unleash the Power Within, & Date with Destiny
  2. Damon Cart – Life Mastery Gym & Self-Concept
  3. Maston Kipp – Claim Your Power

Podcasts 

  1. Real AF with Andy Frisella
  2. The Mastin Kipp Podcast
  3. The Tony Robbins Podcast
  4. Art of Coaching Podcast